Yes - my 500th post landmark has finally arrived. Never in the field of human blogging has so much drivel and nonsense been read by so few (apart from my super crowd of extraordinary human beings that are my followers - for which I take this opportunity to thank each and evry one of you for taking the time to swing this way once in a while).
So what should the subject be? FOG? The forthcoming ACW project? Some dabblings in DBA?
No - my 500th post will be dedicated to (please look away if you are of a sensitive nature)....dogsh*t.
Not the faecal matter of all dogs - although I am sure that at least every human being has at some stage in their life suddenly realised they have the equivalent of the contents of a digested tin of Pedigree Chum now stuck to the bottom of their shoe which will take hours of washing under the outside tap and poking with a bit of twig until at least 75% of it has been removed.
No, I am concerned with the droppings of one dog. An unidentified dog who's owner (and I am willing to be the house, wife and kids that its a bloke) walks his pooch down our street early in the morning. And lets his dog crap all over the pavement. And doesn't clean it up.
Twice now he has left a package just outside our gate. Right in the line of fire so to speak. The first time we grumbled and groaned and cleaned it up.
But not yesterday.
Yesterday I'd had enough. The pavement for the length of our road has seen this inconsiderate bastard let his dog poop where he may (despite the threat of a £1000 fine and - worse - me actually catching him in the act while holding both a baseball bat and a grudge).
So I scraped the doggy crap to the side of the pavement and left a note (together with a brick holding a plastic bag) next to it saying:
"Thank you for not clearing up after your dog. You may have forgotten to bring a bag with you - for this and the hundred other times you've let your dog foul the pavement where children play and old people walk. So please use the bag provided to clean up this time - and remember to bring one with you next time".
The result? Nothing. Apart from the fact that the note was scrunched up and chucked way further down the street. The crap, bag and brick remain untouched.
And there's another load of poop on the pavement two doors down.
People eh! I don't want to live on this planet any more.
So what should the subject be? FOG? The forthcoming ACW project? Some dabblings in DBA?
No - my 500th post will be dedicated to (please look away if you are of a sensitive nature)....dogsh*t.
Not the faecal matter of all dogs - although I am sure that at least every human being has at some stage in their life suddenly realised they have the equivalent of the contents of a digested tin of Pedigree Chum now stuck to the bottom of their shoe which will take hours of washing under the outside tap and poking with a bit of twig until at least 75% of it has been removed.
No, I am concerned with the droppings of one dog. An unidentified dog who's owner (and I am willing to be the house, wife and kids that its a bloke) walks his pooch down our street early in the morning. And lets his dog crap all over the pavement. And doesn't clean it up.
Twice now he has left a package just outside our gate. Right in the line of fire so to speak. The first time we grumbled and groaned and cleaned it up.
But not yesterday.
Yesterday I'd had enough. The pavement for the length of our road has seen this inconsiderate bastard let his dog poop where he may (despite the threat of a £1000 fine and - worse - me actually catching him in the act while holding both a baseball bat and a grudge).
So I scraped the doggy crap to the side of the pavement and left a note (together with a brick holding a plastic bag) next to it saying:
"Thank you for not clearing up after your dog. You may have forgotten to bring a bag with you - for this and the hundred other times you've let your dog foul the pavement where children play and old people walk. So please use the bag provided to clean up this time - and remember to bring one with you next time".
The result? Nothing. Apart from the fact that the note was scrunched up and chucked way further down the street. The crap, bag and brick remain untouched.
And there's another load of poop on the pavement two doors down.
People eh! I don't want to live on this planet any more.