Whoever said 'war is hell' was right. Not quite the same, but running a close second, is 'wargaming is hell if you can't throw higher than a 1'. As I found out yesterday.
As usual, Ian put on a great table - with great scenery and a lot of preparation. We had the usual bull-shoot over breakfast (croissants and pain au chocolat) but eventually got down to business. We diced for sides and I got Mark and the Royalists - that's two short straws before we start!
Mark was also heard to say "I used to have one that was 30 inches long. I used to tuck it under my arm like a sergeant major". I think he was referring to a measuring stick.
We also had fun discussing the use of flaming pigs in warfare before getting down to the serious business of losing. Badly.
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| The battlefield. |
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| Background info |
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| The Parliamentarians - with numbers, dice and God on their side. |
With the set up we could see that we were roughly equal in cavalry but outnumbered in infantry. We also saw that the right hand side had a lovely set of hedgerows that our cavalry couldn't enter but their dragoons could (and shoot with impunity while we couldn't react). So our plan was to attack Cromwell's cavalry on the right with our left flank cavalry - supported by Prince Rupert and the reserve. In the meantime the infantry and right wing cavalry would drift left to support the attack on the left - pulling away from the hedgerows and from the Parliamentarian left wing.
So the plan was - punch through on the left, use Rupert to exploit the gap and get on the flanks of the Parliament centre as our centre held them at bay. Mark was going to hold up the opposing cavalry for long enough for us to get through on the left.
That was the plan.
Oh dear!
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| Mark contemplating how he can muck up our chances before a dice is thrown. |
As we began, I threw our cavalry up the left (with commanded shot in support) to hold the first hill and prevent Cromwell coming through as Rupert pulled the reserve up and the centre and right also moved left.
Cromwell was however stuck on another hill and having to crawl across at 2". So we got to the hill well before he did.
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| The target - the closest hill to us is a gentle hill. The one further on is much tougher going. To the left, a mass of hedges and rough ground impassable to horses - so a tight battleground! |
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| Heading for the hill to beat Cromwell |
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| Getting there well ahead of time. |
I then started rolling a procession of '1's - for pips. So I was moving slower than I wanted and - crucially - meant we were further back than we wanted to be. This meant that space was not available when Rupert was to arrive later - and we got hung up. So I hold my hand up here and say my inability to throw dice also had a major effect on our performance.
So we eventually clashed - but the Parliamentarians had already sent a message to get Cromwell to withdraw. This was absolutely crucial for them. Had Cromwell pushed on and stayed, he could have done some damage but would eventually have succumbed to superior forces and opened up the whole flank.
As it was, after just one round of combat (which left the Royalists battered and bruised) he retired back from whence he'd come. So I tried to get the Commanded Shot into the rough ground to pepper his horses. But not before I'd rolled a 9 and 10 for morale which meant half of my cavalry decided not to attack in the first place - and rolled the inevitable '1' for combat (in other words the worst possible rolls). This was using the new dice tower as well - didn't take long for my dice palsy to affect that as well. Not only that but I was encouraged to get a unit in on his flank. However, the -4 Russ should have suffered was negated by him making the first of 300 positive morale checks and (with General, attack orders etc.) we met on equal terms. Russ rolled a 1 - all I needed was 2+ - and got another bleeding 1. FFS!!! This would set the tone for the entire battle.
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| The clash goes the way of Parliament - who then beat a hasty retreat as Rupert steps up. |
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| Commanded shot sneak round to get some shots in. |
Meanwhile, the main Royalist army continued to be pulled sideways in support of the left flank - so it was going to get very crowded on the left of the battlefield. But the Parliamentarian cavalry was coming up on our right. At this point a couple of things happened. I kept rolling 1's for pips and so progress became snail like.
And Mark pulled Rupert back to allow one unit to get 1 unit of strength back. In the wider scheme of things, this seemed to be a bit - dare I say - stupid. While on hold Rupert was stuck - and we needed to clear the flank. As the cavalry were throwing 1's it was a great chance to get Rupert to push through (with cavalry and a unit of pikes) that could have made a hole to exploit. As it was, we had to wait for another order and by that time Parliament had got closer to our centre and right flank - and our main chance had gone. All to get 1 point of strength back. D'uh!
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| The Parliament cavalry come out as Rupert stands still. |
So as we were stuck, the whole Parlimantarian army started coming my way. My shooting meanwhile consisted of the following sequence (1,1,1) which meant that Cromwell was untouched. Again.
On our right, the Paliamentarian cavalry and dragoons were on the move.
Mark "Phil, I need your input here."
Me "That makes a nice change!"
I suggested that he attack with his cavalry while the Parlimentarians were still getting through the rough ground. Mark instead decided to Hold and wait for developments. The developments were that they eventually lined up on two sides and shot him to bits. Carpe Diem, Who Dares Wins...whatever. Tactically we messed up here. Sitting waiting for the enemy is never a good thing unless you are entrenched in a good position. Sitting on horses as troops that have greater firepower surround you is not a good idea.
But whatever the tactics, if dice don't go for you and go for the opposition, you're fighting a losing battle. I continued to throw 1's and Russ made 4 morale checks in a row.
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| My shooting (to no avail) into Cromwell - as Russ makes 4 saves on the trot. |
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| A good time to charge as the opposition are stuck in the undergrowth. |
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| General Mark has other ideas as he casually sips a Coke |
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| The main bodies of troops converge. |
The combination of not pushing through on the left, not attacking on the right and generally not doing much in the dice department now came back to haunt us.
Ian got his cavalry into the open and began to pour fire onto Mark's cavalry. On the left, we managed to inflict damage on Cromwell's cavalry (eventually) and the man himself fell back Shaken. But there were enough troops there to hold up our push. This included Russ fighting at a huge disadvantage ("You need a 6 on the 'less than' table") and throwing a 6! Truly God was on Parliament's side. Then Ian started throwing 6's as well - getting 3 shots into Mark's cavalry.
The only bright side was the appearance of a workman at the front door. Ian answered as we carried on - and as he walked past the door the workman had a look in. Seeing three men gathered around a table with 6mm troops and dice scattered across it his face looked quite shocked - like he'd stumbled into a room full of robed men, and altar and a naked virgin! He did a double take then moved away...
Talking of the Devil, he also seemed to be on Parliament's side as I charged Russ's cavalry in a desperate attempt to clear them out of the way. He rolled two 1's which meant they received the charge - rather than running away as they should.
As the centres had now clashed it was looking very ropey for us. The right was in clear danger, the centre was outnumbered and we couldn't clear the left.
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| Parliament plan our demise. I mean, they're referring to the rules and everything! |
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| A tactical masterstroke - "Just get them in, these two can't throw a dice to save their lives" |
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| The left stuck, the centre and right in trouble, |
More dice throwing caused more grief for us. My 9th '1' for combat meant that Russ again beat me by throwing another 6 on the 'less than' table. My General then Routed. AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!
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Mark's cavalry with enemy to the front and the flank.
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In the centre, the Parlimentarian weight of numbers soon told, and Mark was having to take damage and morale checks every time. In addition, the shooting into his cavalry was also starting to tell. It was a race between us clearing out the left before our right and centre crumbled - a race we were losing.
Pretty soon our infantry was awash with Shaken markers - and the extra pips that the Parliamentarians were rolling were used to get on our infantry's flanks. I was battering away at Cromwell's diminishing cavalry but simply by staying alive they were winning the battle.
Mark decided to finally charge into the cavalry facing him (all too late though) and the effect wasn't too bad. He managed to get some good contact in - but then came (in 3-4 rounds of combat) probably the worst set of morale rolls ever seen. To explain, a 20 on a d20 or a 10 on a d10 (for smaller units) counts as one worse result. It's not a rule I particulalry like (as why should one result be twice as bad as any other? Roll a 19 - you're OK, roll a 20 - you Rout!).
Mark just started rolling 10's and 20's (and other fails) and this resulted in his cavalry in the centre running away, his pike being pushed back and his cavalry on the right pretty much disappearing. It didn't help that I chucked a couple of 10's myself but in all we counted six 10's and 20's, two '9's and a couple of 8's and other results (including rolling a 2 and still Routing!) for a whopping 12 morale fails. This meant that whatever slim chance we may have had disappeared there and then.
The centre and right crumbled and - as such - the battle was over. Nothing we could do on the left could make up for that. Hands were shaken over the table and a heap of dice were consigned to the dustbin of history.
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| Centre and right - an unholy mess. |
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| Shaken markers litter the table - almost exclusively on our side. |
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| Great holes appear all over the place. Game over man! |
Review
I don't want to lessen our opponents tactics and performance. They had a good plan, made some great order calls at the right time and generally played a blinder. But boy did we make it easy for them. Yes, Parliament had an advantage but we helped them an awful lot. Throwing 1 for pips is a start - holding up our advance on the left. All our commanders were d4 for pips (apart from Rupert) which was also a tremendous hindrance. With hindsight, we should have created more space for Rupert to exploit by fighting two separate battles (i.e. holding the centre and right back as we exploited the left.
Of course, when you roll 1's and your opponent rolls 6's, that is also going to tell. Mark suggested that next time we keep a tally of who rolled what and see if what feels one-sided actually is. But in this case, I know it was. The run of morale fails on 10's and 20's was incredible. As was my run of 1's for pips and combat.
Tactically we made bad calls. Putting Rupert on hold for the best part of three turns to get one unit a strength point back was madness. Not charging their cavalry on the right when they were stuck in the terrain was also a bad call. As was leading with our cavalry on the left. Again, we may have been better using Rupert and his pike and shot to clear the hills of Cromwell's cavalry and using our other cavalry on that flank to exploit the opportunities as they appeared.
Damn!
