“It’s not for everybody - not everyone wants to be out of step or against the stream. But if you feel that the consensus doesn’t speak for you; if there’s something about you that would make it worth being unpopular or marginal for the chance to lead your own life - to have a ‘life’ instead of a ‘career’ - then I can promise you it is worthwhile.”
- Christopher Hitchens
I recently graduated from college. It’s been a grueling few years. I think you can accurately gauge the difficulty of a college major by imagining how difficult it would be to begin with an upper-division course. And Computer Science would be among the very hardest. For my capstone course, I had 8 weeks to build a software system with 52 web pages, in addition to back-end code for each page, six thousand lines of data-tier code/networking, and a database. This included C# programming in the .NET framework, T-SQL for the database, and an IIS server to host it. This was a real-world system which had to run thousands of operations without errors. Without years of experience, it’d be impossible to know where to begin. Every minor facet requires unique training. But last month, I stood in the boardroom of the largest hospital in Ghana and personally introduced the staff to the completed system. Version 2.0 was delivered a few weeks later, and the project has been successfully delivered and closed. It’s a great feeling, and I’m so proud of that project.
However, on graduation day I refused to attend the ceremony, and I’ve repeatedly stressed that I’m not proud of my diploma at all. On graduation day, while my peers were posting pictures and celebrating on Facebook, I posted the Go Forth and Die video from Metalocalypse on my page. I did this with a dose of sarcasm; but I guess I should explain myself, because I'm not trying to be negative.
Most of my feelings toward graduation are eloquently stated in this absolutely wonderful video from Alan Watts:
That video is so inspiring to me, but it’s also quite sad. It really shows how much we’re trained to follow the patterns set out by society, and how artificial our definitions of success can be.
At work this week, one of our regulars came in to visit. This girl graduated college about a year ago. She doesn’t like me, so she was talking to another employee. After she left, this employee said to me, “I asked her where she works now, and she said she wanted to take some time for herself. I asked her if she was thinking about getting her Master’s Degree, and she said no. Her parents support her, so she doesn’t have to do anything. What is she doing with her life?” I said, “I’ll tell you exactly what she’s doing. She’s doing what almost every Mormon girl does after graduation – she’s waiting for a husband.” I don’t want to sound harsh, but it’s the truth. I know so many women like this. They get their college degrees, but they only want them as a source of pride, or as a future backup. After graduation, they don’t see the point in working toward a career - any day now, Prince Charming will arrive to build her a home and start pumping her full of children to raise. She won’t have to worry about working once she’s married, so why stress over it now? This is mostly a Utah thing, and it's really creepy. I'm so tired of hearing 22-year old women complain that they're spinsters. You know, maybe it's a good thing you didn't get married right after high school, even if most of your friends did.
But it’s no better with men. Because once men graduate, it’s now their job to find a steady job and a wife to support. In the end, the conclusion is the same. The man spends most of his waking life in an office building or a factory, while the wife cleans the house, gets the kids to school, and collects recipes. And then, all that’s left to do is “endure to the end”.
Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. It’s a perfectly comfortable and happy life to have. But the problem is that people see careers and housekeeping as their ultimate goal, not as steps toward a real life. They think life is about going to work and raising kids. But shouldn’t these just be pieces of something even bigger? When I look at the world, the last thing I want to do is sit in a cubicle all day. I’d much rather be back in England, or visiting Mayan temples in South America, or digging a well in Africa. And when I’m not traveling, I want to write screenplays and direct films. I have real dreams, and none of them involve going to work or raising kids. But I don’t have the money to travel, and I don’t want to do it alone; so having a career and a family sound pretty great. I can’t wait until I get that career, because it’s going to give me the freedom to do what I really want. And I really hope I'll have someone to share those experiences with. So when it comes to the "traditional family", it’s not the lifestyle I’m opposed to – it’s the approach so many people take.
With that in mind, you can start to see why I resent my diploma. It’s not a symbol of wisdom or education. It’s a symbol of obedience. It may as well say, “The bearer of this diploma is willing to put up with bullshit and do what he’s told, as long as he’s rewarded for it.” When I think of college, I don’t think of all the knowledge I gained – because I don't need a classroom to learn. When I look at what I learned in those four years, it’s obvious to me that I could have done all of that myself in the same amount of time – at no cost. With the internet, the library, and a bit of motivation, knowledge is free. What a degree really means is that you’re willing to jump through the hoops, pay your dues, show up on time, and do the work you’re assigned. I’m not proud of my diploma, because I paid for it with my freedom and individuality. 5 years ago, I was an artist who had some really great films in his head. Now I’m in line to sit in a cubicle like everyone else. But I can promise you one thing – it won’t be for long. I’m going to play by the rules just long enough to get my own projects off the ground. And when they take off, I’ll be in charge of my life, and I’ll be free.
That’s why I refused to stand at the podium on graduation day. I don’t look down on the people who did, because graduation is a big deal – but I’d rather drink bleach than wear that ridiculous hat and line up like a sheep to earn my piece of paper. It’s the very definition of the “checklist”. I need this diploma to get a good job, but I will not let it define me.
Besides, self-education is so much more rewarding; you have real freedom there. In the last several years, I’ve learned so much about science, literature, history, religion, politics, and art. And I’ve been able to learn about it in the real world. I’ve changed minds, and I’ve seen my own mind changed. I haven’t just become smarter – I’ve become wiser and more compassionate. In comparison, my college education seems rather feeble. Sitting at your desk doing homework can’t compare to the thrill of really getting to the heart of something.
I guess I just never want to be chained to what my life is “supposed” to be. I want the same things everyone else does – a loving family, a nice home with a good garden, lots of books, time to travel, and a few good hobbies. But I don’t see those things as items in a checklist, and I don’t want to waste my life waiting for them to fall into place. Now that I’ve graduated, I’m not just going to jump into a cubicle and go wife-prowling on weekends like most of my peers. I’m going to work to make the best of my life, and see where it takes me.
That’s my advice for anyone else in a similar situation. Throw out the checklist. Quit planning your dream wedding online. Don’t assume that things are going to work out. Even if you find a spouse, the divorce rate is about 50% - and those people were just as certain as you that it would last forever, so don’t think you’re better than them. You don’t have to sit around waiting for a spouse or a fancy home. Nothing lasts forever – not even you. So there’s no point being defined by tradition. Nothing works out the way you expect, anyway. The best thing you can do is to live under the assumption that life isn’t going to give you anything. You’ll have the motivation to chase your dreams rather than wait for them – and when good things happen, you’ll appreciate them.
Of course, that advice comes from a man who doesn’t have a career yet, has very little money, and has nothing but bad luck in love. I’m not trying to be a motivational speaker; I’m trying to be a realist. The reason I hate the checklist is because it’s a lie. Life will fuck you over every chance it gets. You will love people who will break your heart and then mock your pain. Your dreams will be smashed by the reality of life. The good things in life will often be taken away from you. In short, that checklist is unreliable. It will let you down over and over. You may want the things in that checklist (I know I do), but you can’t wait around for them, because they’ll let you down and you’ll go unfulfilled. You just have to keep running, and hope you find them along the way. In other words, life isn’t about finishing the list. It’s about the list itself - and making sure that list never stop growing.