Today's Out Spotlight is different kind of coming out story. This time by a mom who when she did, made a difference. A self described “accidental activist", today's Out Spotlight is Linda Stay.Listen in her own words, about finding out her son, Tyler, was gay.
Linda knew that Tyler was exactly as he had been created to be. But growing up as a 5th generation Mormon,she knew the LDS church had a very different view on homosexuality, but she didn’t feel a need to choose between the two. She left it up to God.
When Linda met her second husband Steve, they had 89 years of active LDS church membership between them. One of the first conversations they had when considering blending their family of 9 kids was Linda sharing, “I have a gay son and I’m okay with it, which freaks a lot of people out”. Steve told her was cool with it if she was, and six weeks later they were married.
A short time later Linda and Steve discovered they were blessed with a second gay child, as Linda's daughter Amanda came out to her mom. As Linda tells it, "Thankfully, this time it was not a surprise, and certainly not a struggle to deal with, only a blessing that I could be close to both my gay children and cherish them, as with my other children, for the unique individuals they are."A mom is always a mom and it is no different for Linda. "It is every Mormon mother’s dream for her child to marry a “Returned Missionary” and Tyler did just that on June 17, 2008 in San Francisco."
Tyler and his boyfriend of six years, got up early the first day that same sex couples were legally allowed to wed in the State of California hoping they could get in to get a license. Not only did they get the license, they were married that day at the courthouse, and their story was shared with the world. A year later they celebrated in ceremony in front of their family and friends.What Linda didn't realize how that moment would drastically change her life, and not just because she was going to be a mother-in-law. "Soon after, the Mormon Church made the call to its members to donate ALL of their time and means for the passage of Proposition 8. I was shocked and sickened as I watched the church insert their power and money to fund a propaganda campaign full of misinformation and fear, using their members’ devotion to obedience. I was heartbroken to find that my brothers donated thousands of dollars to the 'Yes on 8' campaign. Though they agreed that this was a civil rights issue, their response to my pleas was, 'The thinking has been done. I have to follow the prophet on this one.'” The members of the LDS church financed as much as 71% of the monetary contributions used to fund Prop 8 and provided 90% of its volunteers.
That following October, Linda, her husband Steve, with their other son Jeff and his wife Bonnie, drove to Salt Lake City to be part of a small group delivering petitions and letters pleading to stop this blatant anti-gay agenda by the LDS church, which was tearing families apart.
"We pulled up to the corner; saw the TV news cameras and media of every sort, our hearts were pounding, knees shaking. With tears in my eyes, I turned to my husband, 'Are we ready for this?' We were naive not to realize that wearing posters, 'Proud of our Gay Kids,' that of course the cameras would beeline for us."
That moment they refer to this as their coming out. And on national news. "We could not stay silent any longer and watch the church of which we once held as the ultimate light of truth, draw a line in the sand that forced parents to choose their child or the prophet. For me the choice was clear. I became 'an accidental activist' that day. I vowed that I would stand up and be the voice for all the mothers of faith who feel conflicted and silenced by their churches."
They resigned from the LDS church and in doing so, they were alienated by the church, meaning losing their parents, siblings, children, friends, and business associates. They were portrayed as bashing the church by being vocal against its practices on Prop 8.
Linda and her husband, Steve went on to form Moms for Equality : Dads for Equality – Standing Up, Speaking Out. They are encouraging parents to “come out” and be vocal on behalf their children’s rights.
As people gathered in my small town of St. George, Utah this past week for a rally celebrating the Prop 8 court decision, I was sadly reminded that not many parents stand as firmly by their children. In fact, my husband Steve and I were the only parents in the group of almost 100 people! Thinking back on this, I cannot help asking: “Why? Where are you, parents?” As long as you stay hidden, you leave your children standing alone. If you believe, as I do, that all our children deserve fairness and equal rights, then I beg you to have the courage of your children and show yourselves, your love, and your support.
"Parents who refuse to embrace this part of their child, or choose to ignore it, miss a beautiful world of amazing people full of goodness and love. I know it is not easy. As I have stepped into the rainbow light these past two years, many have rejected me — including family members, business associates, and friends. However, the many new people that have come into my life and encircled me with their love have filled that gap one hundred fold!"
Tyler and Spencer, and Linda and her family's story are a part of the documentary 8: The Mormon Proposition, which premiered at the 2010 Sundance film festival.
"My hope is that in time, love will prevail in honoring and establishing equal rights for ALL."
Coverage of Spencer and Tyler's marriage at San Francisco City Hall.
Spencer and Tyler's wedding celebration with family and friends
Spencer, Tyler and Linda and talking about their story being part of 8: The Mormon Proposition, at Sundance
Starts at 3:25
Momsforequality.com
Happy Mother's Day to all moms
and
all who nurture and care
shaped by the mothers, grandmothers,
and women who were a part of our lives
and
all who nurture and care
shaped by the mothers, grandmothers,
and women who were a part of our lives